dear,

Dear dad,

I don't know what happened to the beer either!

Sincerely, home from college.

Dear final paper,

What time are you due exactly? I need to plan my crash accordingly.

Sincerely, laptop

Dear toes,

The house is 75 degrees and the rest of my body is fine... why are you so cold?

Sincerely, this is getting ridiculous.

Dear creators of Sesame Street,

Kids are still fat. Can I come back now?

Sincerely, Cookie Monster.

Dear Men,

Apparently size really does matter.

Sincerely, Pluto.

Dear Gingerbread Man,

You running away only makes me that much more hungry when I catch you.

Sincerely, Cookie Monster

Dear Superman,

You've got it all wrong.

Sincerely, underwear

Dear math,

I see you have problems. I can help.

Sincerely, calculator.

Dear decaffeinated coffee,

Why?

Sincerely, regular coffee.

Dear average sized people of the world,

You can stop telling us that we're short. As wild and crazy as it sounds, we already know.

Sincerely, short people of the world.

Dear five second rule,

Stop kidding yourself. Do you really think we count to five?

Sincerely, germs

Dear 2012,

Been there. Done that.

Sincerely, Y2K

Dear humans,

Paper cuts are our last chance of revenge.

Sincerely, trees

Dear microwave,

Why are your minutes so much longer than normal minutes?

Sincerely, super hungry and impatient

Dear finals,

They may be doing you, but all they can think about is me.

Sincerely, sleep

Dear cashier,

Do you really think I buy duct tape, rope and shovels for decoration?

Sincerely, your local serial killer.

Dear person who just called me,

I literally called you back within two seconds of missing the call. What did you do, hang up and throw your phone out the window?

Sincerely, annoyed.

 

Dear drunk me,

You did WHAT?! With WHO?!

Sincerely, sober me.

 

Dear girls,

If a guy pauses his video game to text you back, marry him.

Sincerely, It was meant to be.

Dear slutty girls,

Please lend me your ability to be perfectly warm in the winter while dressed in booty shorts and a tube top.

Sincerely, 20 layers on and still freezing.

 

 

Dear Facebook,

I do in fact know those people on the side of my page, and there is an excellent reason I have not added them as friends.

Sincerely, I don't like them.

 

http://dearblankpleaseblank.com/